Unsure What To Do...

 July 8, 2013. 10:55am.

I just woke up. I think I went to sleep around midnight. And yeah, I know, it's almost 11!!!!!!!! Not bad, right? But man was that a well needed extra bit of sleep!

So I don't think this post is going to be particularly exciting. I don't actually feel like writing, but I really do want to continue writing every day. If I start skipping, I know I'm just going to get lazy with it all the time.

Well yesterday was my first shifted schedule. I started at 9 like usual. But then around 3 when it should have been nearing my break, Chef told me I would stay with Battiste until 7:00 and then I was done. Whoa. Hm. Well certainly a much much better work schedule...! Getting off at 7:00pm as opposed to around midnight! But I was honestly not particularly thrilled. See there's this weird thing that...I don't really know what to do myself. Furthermore, I don't really have anyone to hang out with when I don't have work, while I get to be around all these interesting co-workers when I'm on the job. And lastly...I like work!

But I got off at 7, and I went into the locker room, and...kind of stood there for a while before going back into the kitchen and told them I know I'm done but if they need help I can stay longer. They said no they're good. I wonder if that was a little bit of a slap in the face..."it's a busy day, and I really don't want to have to deal with trying to convey instructions to you in a way that you'll be able to understand some words, so please just go!" Is kind of the thought process I'm afraid of. But it could very well be like, "No, no, no, take your weekend! You're not even getting paid, you've had a long and hard enough day, you should go relax." Maybe it's a "we really can't make the intern work over hours because there's a certain work limit and we just don't want to risk working her longer than is allowed." Well I have no idea. Maybe it's something totally different or maybe they just didn't actually think at all, etc etc. Yeah I read into things too much. But really this is just me pondering. The only reason you're hearing this unnecessary pondering that's going on in my head is because you're reading my journal :)

So I ended at 7. I had just made dinner for the staff and eaten with all of them. (Yes, my first time making dinner for the personnel!! I've started to see what dinner is supposed to be like - you just get some grub together, either throw a bunch of stuff into rice or cook the food item intended for us. Yesterday that was lamb...yeah I know!! YUM!!! Lamb is my favorite meat (along with duck) so I was so excited. But again, there's no room for ingenuity in preparing food for the personnel. I was just supposed to put it on the stove with butter and oil. And then pop the polenta in the oven. Battiste also made an eggplant thing (I was exited because eggplant is my favorite vegetable...but it was not that great. It has to be done well to be my favorite vegetable...). Anyway, so I cooked, I ate, I got rejected to help more by the kitchen and by Thibaut (I've been spelling it Tibot but mom just informed me this is how it's actually spelled. Ha!), and then after struggling to get the internet connection at the restaurant working sufficiently, I skyped with my parents!!! For a long time - various staff kept having to grab something from the personnel room and kept being surprised that I was STILL THERE. Lol...whatever. It was really nice getting to chat with mom and dad. Getting to speak in English, see people I know, hear about things at home...but it also made me long even more to see my friends and family in person just for a little at least.

Congratulations Nathan on making finals!!!! I'm so proud of you! That's pretty cool that you got a shout out for being one of the key new pick-ups on Revolver :) You are such a baller. Also I don't know if you read my blog and it's fine if you don't but I'm sure mom and dad and Maya will tell you I'm thinking about you!

Yesterday during work I prepared a tray of squids. Was it gross? Yeah! Kinda cool? Yeah!! And it made me think about lots of cool things I'm doing and seeing that would all be kind of thrilling or big deal things to do for a first time, but there are so many things going on and it's so normal for everyone here that they all feel kind of...normal in a way. Like I'm habituated into this setting in a way that jobs such as removing intestine and gunk and occasionally squirting a pool of black ink from squids is nothing surprising to me. But it was kind of fun!

Elene, who is a server here and is dating Quentin, is really anorexic. It's really sad and kind of scary. She literally just eats bread and yogurt...I'm very sure everyone knows and notices it...and she is WAY too skinny. Today was the frist time I saw her arms. She started out with a sleeveless top. Later she has a shirt that went closer to her elbows but wasn't quite long enough - I'm wondering whether Nadia or something told her to put on a different shirt (because she didn't want guests seeing that). It really was THAT BAD. Even with her slightly longer sleeves...it was awful. LIke really, really scary. I was working with Thibaut today. He's kind of an asshole. And he says what he's thinking. Too much. The first time Elene came in to give him an order, after she left he turned to me and said, "what's the word for (then he showed a vomiting action) in English?" I said vomit. He continued, "oh yes. Every time I see Elene's arms, I want to vomit." I was kind of shocked, and he said, "it's disgusting!!!!" I told him that he was much too frank and that it's a real problem. And he said, "Yeah, it's a problem! All she eats is fucking bread!" Goodness gracious. I did tell him though that yeah today was the first day I'd seen her arms and it's really scary. At the lunch table though, she was a seat away from me on my left and Thibaut was on my right, and he said quietly, "don't touch her arms!" Jeezus Christ! We talked about it after, I said he should really be more quiet etc (he did say it that loudly and also said it in English so I really don't think she noticed but still), and he said, "I don't care, it's true! She should know!" He really is something else. Apparently when children get desserts, they come into the patisserie to see Thibaut and decide what dessert they want. So a little boy came in and Thibaut was smiling and talking to him, and then asked if he wanted ice cream, told him all the different kinds, and then they decided on chocolate, and the boy left while Thibaut started preparing it. I thought it was so cute and thought Thibaut was being so friendly and nice to the boy. Then he told me that he had seem the boy crying outside the restaurant, though the boy didn't see him. He said that when the boy entered the patisserie, Thibaut asked him if he had been crying earlier, the boy said no, and then Thibaut said, "really, you weren't crying right outside?", and the boy said maybe just a little. There goes my "you were so sweet and nice to him!!" thoughts. -.- But I still like Thibaut a lot and think he's hilarious. Just have zero crush on him remaining and am kind of shocked by how...-insert word I'm looking for here-...he is.

So it's 11:40am now. I think I'm going to bike to Vernon, get a bike lock, get a simple phone (so that I have the possibility of making friends and hanging out with people from the restaurant outside of work maybe), explore a little, eat lunch of something, go to a café and upload this...and then we'll see.

It's very weird and unsettling being on weekend though because I don't really have friends or know what to do.

Lots of love,

Monisha