Muddled Mind, Demanding Day.

 July 7. 2013. 12:45am.

Hi beloved blog readers! (AKA family, Adrienne, Eugenah, and maybe a few others) Well I know I haven't posted any in...not really that long at all, but maybe like two days.I have been writing actually just haven't had the chance to put them up because I haven't had time before or after work at the restaurant to upload them. And my last post was inappropriate enough that I haven't been sure whether I'm going to post it. If you don't know what I'm talking about it means I decided not to. But the main reason is I really don't have time. Like really. Honestly I'm very impressed with myself that I've still been writing. But so much is going on I feel like I NEED to keep a record of it. There is no way I'm going to remember the extent of the craziness in my life right now if I don't have something to remind myself with.

As you can tell though, I really really don't have a plentitude of leisure hours all the time. Today I got back to the house (thanks to Battiste giving me, as well as Youaine and Adrian, a server at the restaurant, a ride home) past midnight. I really felt like cooking and eating a little, plus I had several cheese, charcuterie meats, mushrooms, and eggs left. So I made myself two quail eggs, around 8 sliced mushrooms pan-fried in my rosemary garlic oil and butter, the last of my jambon, heated, some cheeses, melted on the pan, and some warmed pâté. Yum. Nadia came back as I was starting to eat and I had the first real conversation with her I've had yet. We talked about how the restaurant really is a stressful place to work, how the menu change is the most stressful, how everyone smokes...she gave me a piece of hazelnut chocolate...etc etc. (In French, by the way - even though I think she speaks English very well). Turns out 'le menu' changes every three weeks or so, and 'la carte' changes every two or three months. Oh! I thought it was that everything changes 4 times per year - every season. Well whoa. That's a lot more change than I realized. Anyway, that's more interesting! Also...it means more stress and mood swings in the kitchen!

Yeah back to my lack of time - it's 1:00am now, I'm not done writing so I'll hopefully get to sleep by 2:00am, and I'm waking up no later than 8:00am to get to work before 9:00. For another busy day.

Well you read about my extreme roller coaster mood during today's day shift. But like Battiste and Orelli assured me...new shift, new mood. Everything starts fresh, and nothing that happened the shift before matters anymore. At all! Jean-Baptiste was in a bubbly mood, greeted me as friendly as usual, and was kindly towards me the whole evening. I don't know if he was ever mad at me - I'm kind of thinking Orelli and Battiste were right and he was just frustrated or stressed in general, but in any case there were clearly no hard feelings.

I started the night shift cutting some vegetables, then peeling potatoes. Sounds like the usual give the intern the bitch work, right? But guess who peeled potatoes with me? Chef. So that was kind of cool. Chef finished the very last potato a few seconds before I finished the one I was peeling, and he goes "j'ai gagne!", or "I won!". His peeling rate was about...two and a half times as fast as me. I was definitely paying attention and noticing that he peeled 2-3 in the same time as I peeled one. So I smiled and responded with, "mais c'etait tres proche!", or "but it was very close!". He gave me a look, was very amused, gave a fairly loud laugh, and said, "uoi, d'accord", or "yeah, okay". Hahahaha. Anyway, then we ate. Had a break.

And then I started working with Tibot. One thing I really like about working with Tibot is...he always has me do...baking! Like really dessert making - mixing all the ingredients, filling the pans, blah blah blah. Today I made chocolate cake muffins. He never just throws his leftover work on me. There certain things he always does himself, like the final plate arrangements - but that's a given - he's the Chef Patissier, so the final presentation is kind of like his thing I think. But really, he gives me all kinds of other jobs, and it's really very...opposite of degrading. He also continues to tease me like none other. He likes to talk about all the things I am and do - basically applying all of his American stereotypes to me. For example, "so what's you're religion, Mormonism?", "I live on a farm with 6 wives", "I'm American, I'm Amish!", "I'm American so everything I do is right/better than everyone else!", blah blah blah. Several weird stereotypes as well as some expected ones. I asked him about his different kinds of chocolate chips, and he said they were both dark but different kinds...like wine. So I said I know chocolate better than wine! And he responds with "I'm American, I know everything about chocolate!" What a weirdo. I didn't realize how fluent he really is in English. I told him that, and he told me he lived in England for a year! Then he added, "I'm American, I just want to talk in English, I don't want to talk in French anymore!" Which I fervently disputed given that I still speak essentially solely in French to him despite him knowing English, and I'm speaking exclusively French really all the time. He also asked whether I'm met Brad Pitt in person because I'm American, and whether I know who Bill Gates is. He's kind of ridiculous but also great. At some point one of the servers was coming in to pick up a dessert and she realized and told him that one of the orders was behind another or something. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but he got really annoyed, acted super angry, I think said something about there not being anymore, and seemed in a bad mood for awhile. They're all like that in the restaurant I think. They get all worked up about these things in a way that just seemed kind of...useless, really. And scary to me, because it always seems to me like they're mad at everybody, so I am kind of terrified to talk to them in those moments. Like I said, life in the kitchen...quite the roller coaster. Later on I said "ça va?", making sure Tibot was okay, and he confirmed it was, saying in a friendly voice, "oui, ça va, ça va!" And I told him about how I had been scared of him when I first met him because he seemed really angry and was in a bad mood. But then I added that he's not actually angry very often and he's usually in a good mood :)

So after making the chocolate cake in Tibot's, Battiste came and showed me how to do something...transfer sauces and things from pots in the big fridge to small bags and use this machine to get all the air out of the bags/seal them closed. Then label them and put the bags back in the fridge. Yep, I know what you're thinking - sounds like a lot more bitchwork. And that's exactly what it was. The machine was inside Tibot's patisserie room though, so that's how I was hanging out with him all night. After Battiste showed me and left, Tibot made a comment about my spending the rest of the night doing that. I told him 'yeeepppp i know...'. He said that's what Chef's do - if they don't want to do something, they give it to someone else to do! And he said I'm not the first person they've done this to. Haha. I told him he's too nice. And he said no, I'm just fair.

In all honesty, I think this situation kind of demonstrates the opposite - I kind of think it's fair, but it's not very nice. I mean, they've all been to culinary school, done tons of training, have been in this restaurant for a long time, and I'm still on my first week at a professional kitchen. They may have gone through the same thing at some point. Or at least done all kinds of the bitch work during culinary school. Then again, I'm not even getting paid, I'm just here to learn and I'm helping them for free. So I guess it does seem only fair to give me so real and enjoyable tasks to do. But like I said, I am doing more than I expected to. Which is really nice.

Anyway, whenever I went into the kitchen to give them the empty pot/pan I just finished or to ask about what a sauce was, Jean-Baptiste sincerely smiled at me, said thank you, or once asked "ça va?" in a manner that meant basically like, "you holding up?" in a very caring seeming way. Also, near the end of the night (I still hadn’t even finished all of the bagging - and it was many hours later...) at around 11:15 Youaine and Jean-Baptiste came and told me to stop for now and take a break with them. I was putting something away in the outdoor fridge and Jean-Ba said thank you very much, said he knows it's kind of boring and annoying work...but if I didn't do it he would have to stay after and do it, so he appreciates it. That was really nice of him to talk to me about. I really do appreciate that kind of acknowledgement. I did a lot of research online about restaurant internships, etc, and definitely read that you shouldn’t expect them to say thank you or be pleased with your work or anything. So I was definitely preparing for that. But they are really nice.

After work I thought we were going to a bar. I wore my nice circle-y J Crew top i got with Jennie, prepared to look good, and...turns out they decided not to go. Which I didn't realize until the last minute because they all had drinks...Chef gave me a glass of beer and I kind of chugged it because I was running to go change clothes and thought we were going to have some more and then go to a bar. But Then that was it, and then Chef said good night and gave me the kiss on each cheek (though I didn't realize he was leaving so I left him hanging for a few seconds before he said something like "you're not going to give me a kiss??" - which, again, is just the typical French goodbye hello thing - oops!), shook the boys' hands, and left. Then Battiste asked if I wanted a ride home. I was so confused. So I asked about going out, and Jean-Ba kind of laughed and said not anymore. I guess he probably laughed because it was already 12:00 and everyone was exhausted probably.

I'm still not exactly sure when who gives kisses vs handshakes. It's not just boys and girls because I've seen some of the dudes cheek kiss each other. There were also two times when Chef came into the kitchen in the morning, and as he greeted me I was preparing for the kiss cheek as he put his hand out. But as I was trying to get unconfused and by the time I thought about shaking his hand, he kind of shook his head (not at me...it seemed kind of like he was surprised at himself for making a mistake or something but I really don't know and am still confused) and then gave me the kiss cheeks. Before going to the rest of the boys in the kitchen and shaking their hands. I'm thinking maybe some dudes only kiss girls and shake boys' hands, Chef is one of those people, but he kind of forgot with me for a second because he's not used to having a girl in the kitchen. That's just my theory though. Some time I'll ask him when I should do the kisses and when I should give a hand shake.

During break they were talking about smoking. Some of them talked about how much they used to spend on weed per month. One number was 600 earos a month. Holy shit. I asked how much they smoke usually and how much they pay for cigarettes. Youaine and Battiste each smoke a pack a day typically. That's 20. Jean-Ba smokes half a pack. 10 cigarettes per day. And Chef smokes 6 or 7. Each pack costs around 6 euros 50 they said. So that's like 200 euros a month for Youaine and Battiste to smoke. Wow. Yet another reason I'm glad I don't smoke...

Anyway, work is hard. There's a lot of annoying work I'm put up to. Sometimes it's exremely stressful, and today it made me cry because I thought someone was mad at me. (It was more than that...read last blog post for more detailed explanation...but that's kind of the essence.) But I'm so happy to be here and feel really lucky to have this internship. It's an experience I really couldn't have imagined, and an experience completely different from any other in my life. No matter how it turns out, I am so sure it will be entirely worth it and an invaluable summer. I've already learned to much...about all kinds of different things. And I expect to learn so much more.

As always, I'm excited for work tomorrow. I have no idea what will come at me. But I'm sure it will yet another adventure.

And now, at 2:00am, it's time to get ready for bed. Good night!